So sorry I’ve not published a blog for a long time. Basically I’ve moved house and I’ve changed jobs – 2 of the most stressful things anyone can do!
It’s blogging that appears to have taken a back seat, not a conscious decision but none the less, it’s happened and I’m now working to rectify this!
My job change has only been to a different department within the same hospital but there have been a lot of changes, not least a massive change in hours. I have been used to working shifts which, although you can’t form a routine, there are huge benefits, for example, having time off during the week! I was working 3 long days (out of the house before 7am, home after 8pm), but this would mean I had 4 days off a week! In my new job, I work 8-4, 5 days a week, great if you like a regular routine but I’ve lost a lot – commuting an extra 2 days per week stole 2 hours of my life and in admin, you get 1/2 hour unpaid lunches, another 2.5 hours taken from my week!
Other changes, of course, include working with different people, managing a very different style of work, managing my own work load and prioritising. I’m also working in an office for the first time and I’m experiencing some, apparently normal, office culture, such as an ongoing conversation about food, weight and dieting!
The stress of moving house is immense, the physical moving went pretty well but there’s so much paperwork involved and money, a lot of money!! It’s mostly over but I’m still working my way through the infinite list of people who need to know my change of address, and decorating and DIY have become an ongoing fixture in my life!
It’s a very confusing time as these positive events happen, I ‘should’ feel happy but it’s important to acknowledge what’s been lost and no matter how positive the change is, everyone finds change difficult.
Managing these life events a few years ago, I would definitely have needed time of work and there’s a high chance I would have ended up in hospital.
The last few months have been highly stressful BUT, I have remind relatively health and not ended up in hospital!
So what’s changed?!
I think the title of this blog says it in one! I now talk about how I’m feeling, about what I’m thinking and about what I’m struggling with. Previously, I have not had the language or emotional understanding to explain the knot in my stomach is related to anxiety or that the tension in my shoulders, causing migraines is related to worries I don’t know how to solve.
Often it’s difficult to know how to start talking but my husband and I find a good start is “I don’t know what’s going on but…” or simply “can we talk about…” the conversation then moves naturally from there even if it’s in a stop-start way, we manage to talk about anything and everything! Although we like to solve each other’s problems, we’ve learnt that ‘just’ listening is often what we want from each other, but we do have to remind each other that’s what we want – we don’t expect each other to mind read!
When trying to talk, it’s ok to say “I don’t know how I feel” or “it just doesn’t feel right”. Not every conversation has to go all deep and meaningful, it’s ok to not have the exact words but it’s important to say that. Starting to talk is the hardest thing but expressing our thoughts and feelings is important, no matter how jumbled it is, not just for our own mental wellbeing but for the good of our relationships.
I snapped at a colleague the other day, not like me at all! But, I took a deep breath and apologised. I didn’t need to poor my heart out to her, I just said “I’m sorry, I’m stressed about other stuff and I didn’t mean to take it out on you” I felt better for having said what was going on for me and the mood in the room lightened immediately.
It’s best not to take our stresses out on others people but sometimes this is inevitable, if we spend a lot of time around someone, they’ll get the sharp end sometimes. But emotional intellect is about being about to take responsibility for our feelings, for our actions and how we impact others. Apologies may be hard but being honest about our feeling helps mould healthy relationships (and helps you move on from unhealthy ones).
Today is Time to Talk Day with Time to Change. Let’s use this as a opportunity to, not only raise awareness of mental illness, but also to forge more honest, deeper, healthier, more meaningful relationships by talking about what really matters to us!