Tag Archives: strength

Why are we dividing up the world when unity makes more sense?

A recent visit to a section of Hadrian’s wall left me reflecting on division and unity, both around the world and closer to home.

Hadrian’s wall, dating back to the 2nd century A.D. was built to separate the Romans from the barbarians – no matter what the reason, as its debated, the fact is, it was built to divide people, a way of saying “we do not want to mix with them”.

No matter what your opinion on Brexit, the decision to leave the European Union is a decision of division. I’m not here to debate whether it is right, wrong, good or bad, just reflecting on whether history demonstrates that division works.

Taking Hadrian’s wall as an example, although they wanted separation, there were Milecastles guarding gateways through the wall, so they expected/wanted some movement through the wall. Of course, the wall has been largely demolished and there is now free movement between Scotland and England but how long will this last? Since the Brexit referendum, the debate about Scotland leaving the UK has hotted up again; it’s odd to have to decide to leave one union in order to remain in another, of course it’s more complicated than that but on the face of it, this doesn’t make sense!

The Berlin Wall is another example of the devastating effects of division. Mayor Willy Brandt coined the phrase “wall of shame”, due to it causing restriction of movement, causing devastation as it tore close families and friends apart. Even though I was only 8, I vividly remember the Berlin Wall coming down, it was a momentous time of reunification.

So, we have learnt that division doesn’t work. Division is about considering one group of people better or more deserving than another, barriers are about keeping the right people in and the wrong people out. Instead we now have laws about equality and preventing discrimination, I think the world works better if we truly believe we are all equal.

There are still far too many people in the world who think “I have more money than you therefore I am better” or “I’m in a more powerful position than you, therefore I will exert my power negatively over you”. Surely having money should be an opportunity to give, power should present an opportunity to influence positive change?

I know not everyone thinks in exactly the same way and we’ll have different views on what money should be spent on and why, but the fundamental idea of working together should, surely, be central to everything we do??

The journey of recovery from mental illness is a humbling one. You realise you can’t do it without the support of other people. Mental illness has a way of building barriers between you and your closest friends and family but recovery has the opposite effect. Once you start opening up and saying “I can’t do this alone”, the walls start being broken down.

I have no idea what the thought is behind putting a wall up between America and Mexico. History shows that walls and barriers do not work, they are always torn down.

If we learn from the past we can see unity works better than division. It takes humility to work with others. It takes a truly strong person to be humble.

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A lesson in accepting my humanity

While trying to carry a cup of coffee, I trip, causing my painful ankle to slam into the ground. At this point I step (hop) back and think, “what am I doing?!”

Having recently had an arthroplasty, I’m not allowed to put any weight on my left leg so I was doing a weird shuffly hop with 1 crutch while carrying my coffee… it didn’t work out too well! But I wanted a coffee, what was I meant to do? Stand in the kitchen while it cooled down so I could drink it where I’d made it? It’s shocking how little you can do on crutches! I’m managing to carry things around in a backpack and I can do some tasks standing on one leg but there’s so much I simply can’t do…carry a hot drink turns out to be one of them!

Anyone who knows me, knows I’m fiercely independent. I hate asking for help and will do anything to manage everything on my own. I’d rather really struggle to do a task than ask for help, even if the easier/better/safer option is for someone else to do it. When I first got together with my now, husband I had to learn that it’s ok to ask for help, it’s ok to let him do things for me, even if I am capable of doing it myself! I learnt that it can actually improve our relationship if I relinquish some of my independence.

I thought everything was going well, I’d started gentle physio but I had a set back this week with one of the wounds not healing properly. This has hit me hard. I was already feeling fairly down but this has knocked me down further.
I’ve even asked for prayer – something I struggle with, partly because I do not think I deserve it but partly because no matter what I’ve been through, I’ve accepted my lot and do not feel I need to hope for things to be different.


Much as I hate asking for favours or putting people out, I’ve asked people to visit me and asked for lifts to go out. Otherwise I’d be stuck at home (mostly) on my own 24/7.

I find it so hard to rely on people but it occurred to me that if the shoe was on the other foot (not my other foot, someone else’s) I wouldn’t think twice about helping them out and certainly wouldn’t want them to feel like they owe me.

I’m really struggling with how little I can do for myself and how exhausting the simplest task is. For someone who’s had to work hard to break free of mental illness and the dependence that that caused, I hate how dependent I now am. I never want to go back down the path of being so hopeless and helpless, some of my stubbornness is born of fear.

My husband has pointed out to me that this is temporary, even if I do have set backs, my ankle will recover eventually and I will be able to walk again soon. I am normally an incredibly patient person but I’m feeling incredibly impatient just now.

While I’m hating how much help I need, doing things for myself right now is seriously putting my recovery at risk. I must look after myself in order to return to full health, and part of that is asking for help. It feels like I’m asking for help because I’m weak, as though I’m a lesser person, but I suppose it’s a sign of strength and courage to be vulnerable.


I find it so hard to ask for help but no one can mind read! If I need to go somewhere or I need help with something or I need something doing for me, I’ve had to be blunt and just say “please can someone help”. I feel like every time I say this I may as well be saying “I’m completely useless” and my self esteem is knocked a little further each time. I don’t know why I judge myself so harshly when I wouldn’t think that of anyone else making the same requests.

I feel like all I’m saying at the moment is “thank you” and “sorry”, I’m fed up and just want to be able to do things myself.

This period is being a real lesson in just accepting help and support.

I’m incredibly fortunate to be surrounded by wonderful people who care and who want to help. I should be grateful instead of tarring the gestures with guilt and awkwardness from my side.

In the words of Nick Knowles “we can’t help everyone, but everyone can help someone”. I know if I was able to help someone (give them a lift or do some shopping for them) I’d feel really good that I could be helpful when they needed it so maybe in an odd way, I’m helping people by me asking for help?!